I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
