i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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