I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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