at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
