i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
