my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
