Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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