I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
