Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my shit smells like andre
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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