i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
