I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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