dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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