Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
