I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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