went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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