It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
