i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
