That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
