Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
