Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
