There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
