You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
