You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
