omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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