that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
