I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
