the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Vodka?
Forever.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
