Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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