I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
