I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
