ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
