I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
