I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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