Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
