Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
