Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
