This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
