as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
