another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
