i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
