He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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