Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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