apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
