Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
