you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
