I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
