He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
