Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
