we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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