found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
